Change...

Change, change, change... it seems that in our society, politics, and personal life, there are always certain changes which can affect us in various ways.

Change can be for the better or for the worse; however when there is no change, people find themselves in situations where they want change, or find a way out of their presently tedious lifestyle. So what is it, do we cause change or does change change us?

To be honest, there is no answer. Our lives can be compared to many technological devices which are constantly being updated to fit into the market so that they can be admired by their users. Are we not constantly trying to change ourselves to fit in so we can gain minimal appreciation from others or atleast appreciate ourselves for who we are? Of course gaining a bit of self esteem is not the case; however why do we constantly try to better ourselves in ways we think others think are right? Shouldn't we be satisfied with the uniqueness of our lifestyles and daily functioning?

An on going cycle can be influenced by any single change anywhere in the society; for if one particular change has occurred, it is certain that it will trigger numerous other changes to occur as well.

Amazing results can be obtained when the functioning of an average family, and how the moods, feelings, and attitudes of each member are solely dependent upon another member are observed. If an individual becomes ill for example; the family will grief the individual's illness and a certain aura of gloom would shadow over the family until the individual recovers. Another member of the family gets promoted causing their entire family to react positively and prepare for celebration.

Changes in families can be related to the changes in countries throughout the world. If a certain country is going through an economic melt down, other countries pitch in and help. Just recently, Egypt gained freedom from the Autocratic government that impacted its people for the last 30 years; however it was all a result of someone raising their voice and speaking for everyone.

What is raising your voice? Yelling? No. Raising your voice is expressing your opinion about certain things you disagree with, or agree with, or something you want to change. It would be great if every person just sat on their couch every day, (as I lazily sit on my couch typing this blog), and all of their opinions got expressed on their own. Life doesn't work that way, it requires action.

Why don't we act against wrong in the world, or wrong in our lives? Can't we bring about the change in ourselves? We are just standing up against our own kind right? Are we not allowed to verbally express our perspective about something we've interpreted differently from others? What are we afraid of? What am I afraid of?

There is this show in America known as, "What would you do?," and it clearly portrays the actions people might take against certain wrong doings. Surprisingly though, people don't usually stand up for others in given situations. That disgusts me.

We all want a change to happen, we all want things to become better; however we fail to realize that the change comes from within us. Maybe it's time we step up.

A summer to shine...

Hey everyone, I hope everyone is “all good.”

I decided to write a blog today which basically talks about what I have been doing this summer and where I have been busy; so here it goes.

Firstly, I cannot believe that one month of summer vacation is GONE. Like “poof” gone...I am pretty shocked because I can’t believe how time flies.

I don’t think I mentioned this earlier, but my cousins were over from India so we were “just chilling” you know ;) About two weeks of July along with one week from June with them went just like that...I mean it. We went everywhere we possibly could go in three weeks. Since I am from Canada, we pretty much toured around really cool places that many people want to see; however I was exhausted by the end of all of them because we were literally on our feet every day.

Along with having my cousins here, I was also busy with an extra course I took in Summer School. The course was American History and to be honest it’s similar to Canadian history ‘cept for the colonization of America in the beginning and also the fact that American history is based on an American perspectiveJ I took the course because I felt that it’s good to know about our neighbours in the South. Despite all the learning and having work to keep myself busy, I am being honest when I say that the course is over and I can finally enjoy my vacation.

Other than the course and spending time with my cousins, I have also been busy getting certified for lifeguarding as well as getting my driver’s license.

The lifeguarding license consists of many levels that are broken down and an individual needs to pass all of those levels to finally become a lifeguard. The levels are Bronze Medallion then Emergency First Aid then Bronze Cross then Standard First Aid and CPRC then finally NLS and AED. Each of the levels is an obvious prerequisite for the next level; therefore getting the license is a long process. Fortunately for me, all of these courses are being offered in the summer, so hopefully by September I can work as a lifeguard at a pool near my house.

Driver’s license... I mean who doesn’t want one? I turned 16 about four months ago, which is a legal age to drive in Canada; however during those four months I became so busy that I couldn’t get my license until now. With a couple more classes and training, I will be able to drive with either one of my parents sitting in the passenger seat by September, and honestly I am so excited.

Anyhoos, my blog’s one year anniversary is coming up! Like I said, time really does fly, and things change at a great speed; however sometimes when you try to catch up with time, you kind of get derailed. I would have to say that since August 8^th of last year to now, I have lost alot; however I know that those losses have helped me mature and be stronger. Some things changed for the better, some for the worst, some important people left my life, and I met other people who have become important. All in all, everything weighs out right? Yes, it does. Although I miss so many things and people, I will say that I am looking forward to seeing myself as a better person, and hopefully I can get there.

Anyways people, I wish you all the very best summer, or whatever is left of it! Just remember, live to dream.

Historical Monuments

The history of our world is undoubtedly portrayed through various artefacts, which come in many forms themselves; whether they are pictures, paintings, or documents. All of these, as most historians would call historical evidences, are great at showing the evolution of mankind and its surroundings; however the most significant pieces which stand and battle the worst of weather or simply vandals, carry the most importance. The Seven wonders of the world themselves have stood by the wear-and-tear of time; not only because of the spectacular technology applied in the time they were created, but also because their purpose was to remain and carry importance forever, in other words educate forever.

So aren’t these monuments the greatest gift time has offered to many individuals? Each and every monument whether it was built in the past or opened to the public today teaches and carries values every single person can learn from. It is pretty interesting when we as individuals start understanding how discovery and science began with simple findings of ancient time capsules.

Keeping in mind the whole purpose these structures were built, it is time to also reflect upon how they have survived in this world for so long. Technology yes, however philosophically speaking, human beings are similar to these monuments which are supposed to carry significance. For many years, these monuments have undergone problems; however with maintenance, they have been able to preserve their beauty and importance.

Historical monuments can be used as an analogy which relates to human beings. We also age with time, just like the monuments; however we let whatever events that take place in our lives, impact ourselves. Events which are good, help to better our character; however we tend to lose the logic in our thinking if we have to face an event that impacts us badly. Why can’t we stay stable, or the same? Why do we change constantly?

During the last few weeks of school, many people came and signed a “never change,” on my yearbook. Why should I not change? A change is considered a change if one changes for the better; therefore I can change, but I should for the better right?

The preserving of historical figures, monuments and statues has only added to their importance with age; therefore educating us their value in the hearts of our ancestors. In the world, people “live to tell the tale”; for that is how history is passed down; so I ask, why can WE not live to tell the tale, our tale?

The problem lies in our perspective of life, our perspective of people, our perspective on anything good or bad that happens to us. What we fail to realize is the significance of the two words good and bad, which complete each other. Without good, there is no bad, and without bad, nothing can be classified as good.

As confusing as it may seem, we all fail to let things handle themselves once in a while. We cannot beat age; therefore we design products overflowing with chemicals so that we can “psychologically” assume we look younger. We tell people we don’t hate anyone; however we curse them in our minds. We let our friends know we care; however we fail to keep in touch. We tell ourselves we don’t think of us as superior to others; however when someone is facing a conflict, we find ourselves grateful and better off to not be in their shoes. Whatever we say, we think oppositely; isn’t that what it all boils down to?

Fact is, we like to be near people who make us happy, we like to do things that interest us, we like to participate in events which cause us no harm... US US US US US, ME ME ME, I I I...just stop. All humans, sadly, are like this; whether you are the Pope, or the vilest person on this planet, we all think like this once in a while. What is more unfortunate is that we ourselves are the cause of the stress in our lives because when we think of ourselves first, and we find ourselves unhappy, we try to think of ways to better our lives quickly; however the minute we speed things up and they don’t happen, is the minute we start causing stress for us and others.

We cannot stay stable like the monuments present in our world; we cannot defy the effects of time and people; however we can stabilize our perspectives, our feelings, and our judgements. Stabilizing how we deal with problems, people, and ourselves can truly help our souls defeat the “wear down” effects of time, even if our bodies can’t. A great person once told me, “After we die, our bodies remain; however it’s our name and the legacy we leave with what others remember us by.” Who cares if you die with an enormous fortune or have the best body in the world? What matters is how you lived, valued and enjoyed your life and tried to improve yourself as an individual.

We might not be made of plaster, clay, stone or metal; all the materials which tend to defy aging; however we should train our thinking and perspective to be like those materials so we can influence stability and happiness in our lives.

The most annoying guy ever... :]

The day was December 2^nd, first day in a new school for me; precisely my 2^nd move that year. I was dressed like one of those girly girls; pink shirt covered with a red blazer and my hair tied in a long ponytail. It was the start of term two, grade seven, and despite the fear I felt entering the school, I was proud of the courage I had built up to meet new people all over again.

I still remember that day; it’s fresh in my head. Everyone in the class thought I was a student teacher for a guy in our class; that’s why I guess you can pretty much estimate my embarrassment. Even though I didn’t know I would fit in, I felt that I could; for I had already started looking around and noticing some people I could start a conversation with. To be honest, I guess I pretty much built up my social skills moving to this school where childhood groups already existed. The fact of being part of a group with popular kids was pretty much

impossible, but I really wasn’t all fond of being known, just wanted a few good friends to talk to.

It was hard fitting in this school; I am not going to lie. In a way it was different, maybe I was different; however it was then I started realizing how some people judge others based on their differences. I was different because I was a person who was being judged, and truly at that time I couldn’t possibly imagine standing up and being proud of those differences; for it would just add to the peoples’ biased judgements. Thankfully though, by Christmas time I had found a group of great friends; so I could say that things were running pretty smoothly, very smoothly.

Oh yeah, my school had a pretty crazy cycle system because in my school, the kids and teachers you were with in grade six, stuck with you until grade eight. My class was one of those average classes with about 30-something kids, some very beautiful, some nerdy, some just odd and some which brought change to my life. I was really lucky to have some of my close friends in my class; however some of the “rivalry” bodies were also present in there. My friends and I would always make fun of this one guy whose speech problems and absurd behaviour was rather amusing. His name was Akshay, and to be honest when I met him I thought he was some hockey-crazed brown kid with a girly voice and a chipmunk accent. Now don’t get me wrong, people liked Akshay for his exceptional joke telling skills and for being the clown during French class. I personally had nothing against him; however the way he talked would always get to me. I still remember the first time I heard him read a passage in spelling class, which led me to asking my friend if he had dyslexia. It was around the end of grade seven where Akshay and I started talking to one another. I didn’t like him alot to be exact; for I thought he was like the other kids who didn’t like me. Despite all that, we added each other on msn anyway and started talking; however I must add that the conversations we had were rather awkward.

It was in the middle of grade eight where my perspective of Akshay changed. It was time to apply for good high schools in the area, and I was applying to some high schools with regional programs. I was surprised when Akshay told me he was applying to a school I desperately wanted to be in as well; however I didn’t much mind the fact of him applying because it would be great to have him in the new school as well. The real reason that I wanted Akshay to come with me to this school was because despite my differences and the judgements others made about me, Akshay was with me based on how HE viewed me. In this world, it is truly hard to find such people who put aside the perspectives of other people and make their own judgements; therefore I am proud to say that Akshay is one of those few.

Grade eight passed rather swiftly after the entire application process. Summer was approaching and my friends and I had started getting busy with what we were going to wear to our “Grade eight grad.” Just like any other school you are allowed to “graduate” from, the sense of knowing that you are more mature than you were before and that you have the answers to questions you asked when you were younger feels great. Of course you have added to those few questions, have a lot more on your plate, but in reality it’s that feeling of being ready to face the world. When I finished middle school that year, I had already started developing my passion to face the world.

Summer oh-eight was hilarious; truthfully the most memorable summers of my entire life. See after “graduating,” my parents had planned a vacation for the family with a couple of family friends. After that vacation it was pretty much me nerding off and trying to spend time with some of my friends before high school hit hard. Every night was practically, watch some TV, read a magazine, and talk to Akshay. Our conversations had changed now; they were less awkward and friendlier. We would play checkers and poker using MSN as a helpful tool (I’d always beat him at checkers); to be honest, I loved Akshay’s company. When I think about our conversations, I remember two 14 year olds discussing our fears of high school, or just fears in general, favourite things to do, to eat...etc. I could say that by the end of summer, I started considering Akshay as one of my best friends. He was like a sanctuary to me, and to him I could tell him anything.

Grade nine and ten zipped by pretty fast; however the events that have occurred in our lives since summer oh-eight are numerous. We both grew, physically mentally and emotionally; however as we learned, we also experienced the hardships of various situations in life, sometimes almost similar to one another. I had a boyfriend, he a girlfriend, we had friends; don’t have some friends...etc. My point is, despite all the things we went through, Akshay stood by me through all of them. This kid, the guy that I used to laugh at in grade seven has now become the most important person in my life. The past two high school years were tough, I am not going to lie. There was loss, gain, love, hate everything; but I guess that’s what high school is. I truly feel that regardless the many depressing situations I had to face, my friend Akshay gave me hope.

It’s true whenever he said “Everyone needs someone Shriyah,” and that’s because we all have to face a certain problem, but can’t do it alone; therefore in the worst of situations, suddenly you have someone there for you. When you think about it, it’s kind of magical how someone appears when you truly need them there.

You know that reflection kind of question, “Would you rather have a million fake friends or a few real ones?” I guess in my scenario, the answer is rather obvious. Even though I have been alive for 16 years, I truly feel that from the moment I walked into preschool, to now, I have seen a world of people and their judgements. Sometimes I guess you have some great time with your so called “besties,” but then if a few losers turn against you, your “besties” will follow the crowd too. So wait, it’s like losing your pride AND your “so called friends.”

The last blog I wrote I mentioned that I shall “never write again,” but I need to say the reason I wrote this blog was for my friend Akshay. I felt the need because I needed a way to prove to him that he’s been right with whatever advice he has ever given me, and thanks to him I have figured out that it is important to be yourself regardless of the circumstances. So here I am again.

Fact is, everyone in this world is a hypocrite, a crowd follower and an opportunist at a point in their life, but hey, that’s completely normal human behaviour. The difference though is, are you like that ALL the time, or occasionally? I was judgemental when I made fun of Akshay, and ironically he is now my best friend.

This blog is basically a little insight on someone I cherish the most, a story to remember those good times I have had, and the many more I hope will come. I guess this blog might not make enough sense to everyone, but I know Akshay knows what I am talking about.

Akshay,

Thank you so much for being a part of my life and giving every moment meaning. All those conversations, laughs, fights and awkward moments we shared brightened the worst of my days. Thank you for bringing me back to my own self; for I know I could not have done it without you. I know you know that the reason I am happy today, is because you were there regardless of whomever. I love you bestie *hugs*.

Dear you,

Yes you, no, not you.. YOU..

You know who I am talking about, and it's you. This letter/blog goes to explain everything that I need you to know, because I know you'll never listen to me otherwise. If you are willing to make comments that go against my claims it's fine, I know I am saying the truth; therefore to be honest, now it doesn't matter whether you believe it or not, because I have nothing left of myself for you to hurt.

To begin with, I love you. Always have, always will... and you might make the comment "That's scary," yes I know you say that; however I continue loving you. Fact? I promised you I always will.

I know it's wrong to blame your faults on other people, especially the ones you love; therefore I am not, and I mean NOT going to blame you for anything. Just listing the simplicity of the problem and how we could've solved it. It's fine, you don't want to. I respect it strongly, because again, I love you.

It's been five months, yes I have kept count. Trust me, crying every night for hours and hours regretting things helps you keep track of the time you are wasting away. You always used to say that it's you who's going to take it. You made so many promises, and looking at you, and being with you, I believed them all. I didn't believe them for the sake of a rush, or experiencing a teenaged love story we kind of shared, but believed them because the only truth I ever saw in life was in your eyes. Hell yes I am cheesy, you'd know too.

You probably know what we shared, and you can't continue being that coward you are and deny the fact of even once knowing me. What are you afraid to face? You have everything now right, and I was the biggest problem in your life, and that's gone. You should be happy right?

So these past few months whatever has happened to me, yes I deserve it to the full max; for I am a person who knows how to expect and never give to anyone. Maybe for the time, I thought I had done a lot by dedicating everything in my life to you; things never mattered to me, because all those promises you made, made me believe that you'll never leave my side. So why did you?

So by now, you know it's you I am talking about. What else do I have to talk about? That "little connection" we shared maybe tells you that I am always thinking about you. Fact? I don't hide that I still care about you.

So what's my point? Like I said, it has been five months, FIVE DAMN MONTHS since I have talked to you. I look fine right? Well I am not. I don't want to be self centered and tell you I can't live without you and stuff; for you already are happy on your own, and have moved on. Truth be told, I always did everything for your happiness. Now wait, the comment you are going to make right now is probably, "That's mad bs," well I know you THAT well to know that's EXACTLY what you are going to say.

Right now, I am going to prove why whatever I am saying is NOT bs. This may or may not matter to you, but if you have read this far, please continue reading; maybe it can save someone in the end.

Number One

Being with you was a chance I had to take; for my friends and everyone else didn't approve the fact that I was dating you. I did anyway, because I wanted to give you a chance. Do you remember the time we were talking online and my status said "Is this real or another crush," and you asked me if it was about our relationship? At that time, I wasn't sure about being with you, to be honest, I didn't even know we would last that long. You know what stopped me from leaving you? I still remember that time you told me you had this dream where I told you I am scared, and you held my hand and said it's going to be ok. I can't believe that giving you that one chance would change my life forever.

Number Two

My friends didn't like you as much as the time went on. Sometimes, they would get mad if I spent too much time with you during lunch; however just like you used to say "the time with you is all that matters," it was the same for me. I don't know if you ever meant that, but for that time I believed it. I would leave my friends everyday to spend time with you; in other words I was stupid to stop caring about my friends, but did it anyway.

Number Three

So my friends and I got into a fight I left them, blah blah blah.

Number Four

I never told you I left them because of you, I didn't want to hurt you. You remember how I would ask you to let me be your support? That's all I ever wanted to be, I don't know where I went wrong in that category. Maybe everywhere? I guess I could never show you how much I care and trust you; therefore you got tired of the way I was acting.

Number Five

I broke up with you for you. Sigh, remember last summer? That little argument we had and that email you wrote me? You said you don't care about your reputation, you don't care about anything and that you just want to live in my world. Don't deny that, you said it and you know it. You want to know something funny though? You sent me that email at exactly 3:04 am, a minute after I decided I was going to end my relationship with you. Yes, in the summer. Now why would I want to break up then, and why didn't I?

That night one of YOUR close friends sent me a legit conversation attaining information about how YOU don't trust me. Despite the fact of me loving you, leaving my friends was an action I took because I trusted ONLY YOU. You think YOU KNOW how it feels to be betrayed by the one person you actually ever trusted? Ha, imagine how I felt that night when your friend sent me that conversation. It was then I decided this was it; however it might have been god's will because right when I was going to type a break up email to you, I received your email at 3:04 am. That's when I realized that everyone makes mistakes. We are NOT perfect, and I never promised you I was going to be. I am human too, and whatever I did, I did because of you.

Number Six

So we broke up on October 16th, 2009. You know something even FUNNIER? October 16th, 2008 was the day I met you for the first time. It seems crazy right? The fact that I remember everything up till now? How can I forget what meant the most to me? I can't.

Do you remember how I even told you a week before we broke up how I don't have the courage to break up with you because you mean everything to me? It didn't and wouldn't matter who broke up with who, I would cry any other way; however I accepted your change of heart and ended our relationship anyway. I didn't care about how I felt at that point, because I cared about you.

Did you ever ask yourself why would a person who broke up with you for your benefit ever want to hurt you? NO, you never did. And you know what you did after that? You went ahead and believed whatever everyone else told you and forgot me in an instant. You spread rumors about me, to my friends, and you continued to express your great hatred for me.

Number Seven

I didn't ever come and talk to you about how much it bothered me whenever you said bad things about me. I thought that even though you were making fun of me, you were happy. That's all I ever wanted, so I stayed quiet and accepted the fact that I've lost you. Was it my fault? I think it's you who fell into a whole deal of misunderstandings; however I don't blame you. I made many mistakes too, you know that and I do too; however the least you could do was ask me if I would ever want to ruin you. The fact that you didn't ask me first, ruined me. It ruined me.

Number Eight

I knew about a lot of things even during the time we were dating. The fact that you were thinking about leaving that course we took together a month before we broke up hurt me; for you never told me. I never wanted to discuss that with you because I wanted you to be in charge of whatever and however you wanted to lead your life. While dating too, I was told by you you had certain boundaries you had to maintain. I accepted that because I didn't want anything hurting you, so I kept my distance. You told me you had a family friend in the school who might tell your parents about us; however I never told you I personally knew that family friend of yours. She would never tell your parents; however for your happiness and consolation, I decided to not care about that.

Number Nine

I bet you hate me for leaving you alone in that course. Fact? I had always wanted to be an aerospace engineer; therefore since grade six, I collected information and went to various programs to learn as much as I could about aviation. That's how much I loved the career, but I guess I loved you more? The drama that was going around the time we broke up left me no choice but to leave that one course I desperately needed to pursue Aerospace. Fact? I can't take that course again, meaning I cannot pursue my dream career. I was told that I would never be able to take the course again, but I didn't mind letting my dream go for our reality; it was worth it. What happened to me after that you know yourself.

You just expressed more hatred you felt to people. You know what that caused? The reputation I was trying hard to gain back for us after leaving my friends was in ruins again because of your hatred. I might have deserved that; however even though everything is almost ok, do you think I am? I have to live with insecurities because I don't know who to trust. I trusted YOU, I believed in YOU, and I loved YOU; therefore what you did killed the last bits of me.

Number ten I am going to tell you at the end of this blog. To be honest, I promise this is the last blog I will ever write because I have nothing more to write about, to talk about.

I always believed in angels and 11:11. Angels because I saw my angel in you, and 11:11 because every night for the past five months, I have wished for you to be back in my life at 11:11. It's kind of silly, the whole idea; for it's not happening and I have accepted that, but I decide to wish anyway ( there is no harm in hoping).

I don't know in which other way to explain to you how much I still care. I know I never can because you gave my life meaning and now since you're gone, that purpose is gone as well. I never wanted to complain against your actions, or ever get mad at you because I never let your goods be outweighed by your bads. To me you are still that "car-loving, bhangra boy," I dreamt about being with forever; but it's ok.

I guess it's time I let you be happier, and to be honest there is only one way I can do that. I will explain that later in number ten though. I thought that after the breakup, you'd one day come back for me, I am stupid though ( you know that too). I am not lying when I said I am insecure because of what you caused, and I am not lying about how I feel about you every second of every hour of every day.

Some strange facts I think you should know are:

-I sometimes check your account on youtube

-I still have that little dog you gave me last year and I kiss him goodnight before I sleep

-I feel sad whenever I see Chrysler 300s around because I am reminded of an incomplete dream

-I installed an audio system for my own car

-I kind of learned guitar because of you

-I smile whenever I remember what you used to say to me whenever I used to hide from you

-I cry inside whenever I see you

-I still sometimes dream about you

-I love you

Now the finale of my very last blog is number ten.

Number Ten

I am moving on May 27th, 2010 and after writing semester two exams, I am never coming back to this school. The reason is because I feel that me leaving here will give both of us a sense of security; for I know how much I have bugged you for the last five months and possibly even during the time of our relationship. Now if you're one of my friends and are reading this, I am sorry. I just cannot pretend to be happy forever. I always wanted to be a graduate from this high school since grade six, when I first heard about the program it offers. I worked pretty hard to get to this school, but like some of my dreams I let go while loving you, I'll let this one go too. I promise you though, that whenever you feel unhappy, just remember there is someone somewhere in the world who is alive because you are smiling.

I love you